【古诗英译】《望月怀远》唐·张九龄

无心剑

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2009-12-13 23:59:00 发表
天涯共此(時)
[Though so far apart we share the same sight.]
same night  or  same  time?

天涯共此时-->千里共婵娟 (Though so far apart we share the same sight，虽然相隔千里，同看一轮明月。)

自娱自乐

Beholding the moon while thinking of my loved ones afar


From the sea the bright noble disk is rising,
Apart yet we behold the same moon shining.
Loving ones scold the eve for tarrying longer,
For tonight their bonding love grow stronger.
Candle's blowen out to enjoy the moonlight,
I put on a robe for such a damp dewy night.
I can't send you a handful of the moonbeam,
So back to sleep to seek a tryst in my dream.



:Z

无心剑

第二句译文很漂亮，千里共婵娟。

金沙文字

还寝梦佳期。I go to bed to dream of you. （许渊冲）
dream是不受主观意识控制的脑活动，声称要去dream个什么，违背逻辑。

无心剑

金兄，诗的逻辑跟数学的逻辑好像有点不同哦，诗人是希望睡着了也能梦见心爱的人，这代表了他美好的主观愿望，哪怕一点都不切合实际。

金沙文字

汉语是可以的，可以认为是省略了“或许”“也许”“希望”...，英文用‘to dream of you’显得生硬、费解。

无心剑

I go to bed to dream of you.
==>I go to bed in hope of dreaming of you，这样虽然表意准确些，但是丧失了简洁美。

自娱自乐

原帖由 金沙文字 于 2009-12-14 8:51:00 发表
还寝梦佳期。I go to bed to dream of you. （许渊冲）
dream是不受主观意识控制的脑活动，声称要去dream个什么，违背逻辑。

那么请问"日有所思，夜有所梦”这句话是怎么来的呢？

薛湃

欣赏普敬君的简练译文。一些商榷如下：

Over sea the moon is uprising，
Her brightness are all praising.   (似应用被动语态)
Loving ones resent the whole night，
Sitting up and in yearning so tight. (此处so tight何解？)
Candle is out and fuller is the moon，(is可删去)
Feeling clear dews,I put on robe.（My robe put on, wet with dews soon.）
I can’t present you the beam,(还是应作moonbeam)
Only seeking a date in my dream. (but go back to seek you in my dream )

无心剑

原帖由 普敬天下人 于 2009-12-15 6:56:00 发表
感谢薛湃君的指导，感谢诸君的佳译，修改稿如下。

Over sea the moon is uprising，
At her brightness are all gazing.     (all is 或 we are)
Loving ones resent the whole night，
Sitting up and in yearning so high.
Candle is out and fuller the moon，
Feeling clear dews,I put on robe.
I can’t present you the moonbeam,
Only seeking a date in my dream.

Loving ones resent the night so long,
Sitting up and in yearning so strong.

yearning 一般用 deep 或 strong 修饰，用 high 来修饰比较少见。