[古诗英译] 于易水送人一绝 （骆宾王）

Louisa

于易水送人一绝
骆宾王
此地别燕丹，
壮士发冲冠。
昔时人已没，
今日水犹寒。
A Quatrain
---Farewell in Yi River
by Luo Binwang
Prince Dan bade a farewell to an assassin here,   
Who had courage high to raise his hat with his hair.
The past heroes have passed like water runs away,
While the same river remains the same chill today.
受各位教诲，努力修了一稿：
A Quatrain
---Farewell by the Yi River
by Luo Binwang
An assassin left Prince Dan here.
His courage raised his hat with hair.
The past hero is gone away.
But water remains chill today.
整首诗风云激荡，喻意深远，笔调雄旷悲凉！
悲哉！ 我怎么没有感觉到译文的surges of wind and clouds!

木樨黄谷

整齐，12音节，好译，欣赏

周道模

学习。第三句增美了。

海外逸士

on the river, not in ... river
past ... passed  is not good.
oly one hero, hot heroes.

Rhapsodia

三四句的整合很漂亮！五绝我个人感觉译文每行最好不超过10音节，太长了有损原诗的短小精悍。
一般情况下，五言我喜欢译文每行6音节到10音节，8音节比较理想；七言我喜欢8到14音节，10音节比较理想。五言和七言都用抑扬格。

自娱自乐

by the river might be better...
my two cents only

自娱自乐

my tentative suggestion
the past hero (was) gone as if (like) the water runs away

自娱自乐

other than that, wow, nice version, I like it.

Rhapsodia

我不想当工头哈～
很不错的，建议斑竹给飘红！

无心剑

于易水送人
Farewell by the Yi River
骆宾王
by Luo Binwang
此地别燕丹，壮士发冲冠。
昔时人已没，今日水犹寒。
Here the hero set out ashore,
Bristling with the great anger.
Though he returned no more,
His spirit still chills the water.
译于2010年7月16日。