【英文诗歌】First Snow on a Saturday Morning

Loon

First Snow on a Saturday Morning

The drips from the eaves,
the plops of white mass
from the trees wake up
the quiet morning.
Oaks and maples shed
their leftovers, littering
the fresh snow.
Evergreens humbly bring
their limbs close
to their bodies,
while shrubs prostrate
themselves, like
remnants of an army.
I take out a shovel,
inch along the driveway.
The snow is mud heavy
with rain. Suddenly,
I am attacked
by an avalanche.
It must be the snow,
unhappy with removal,
taking revenge on me.
I straighten up,
smiling. The sky is
written with bold strokes
of silent boughs.
All is quiet, except
the swirling leaves,
the sieving snow,
a stranded car, and
my deep breathing.
The world is tired.

Louisa

Loon 君新年好！
第一场雪是这一天的，还是整个冬季的？若是冬季的，您所处的地理位置算是气候温暖的好地方了。
您现在屏弃了短诗，改做长诗了。但我还是喜欢读您的短诗。整首诗读起来像是一个气象观察员的报告。留下印象的只有三行：
I am attacked
by an avalanche.
The worrld is tired.
当然这是我个人的印象，不是别人的。请不要介意我的想法。诗人写诗是在收藏自己喷吐出的情感化石，别人只是偶尔拣起来作一下观赏而已。

周道模

read, thanks!

Rhapsodia

Bravo! What a nice piece! I was totally pressed into the mushy, heavy snow mud of your mood. Along with my eye moving from line to line, I am struck with one surprise after another of beautiful images brought by your dictions.
Everyone must have the experience of snow, be it the first snow of a winter or last. But not everyone has the same inspiration from it. Moreover, few would have the bless of a skillful pen to depict the snow, and most of all the feelings with it.
A few wonderfully composed lines are:
Oaks and maples shed
their leftovers, littering
the fresh snow.
------------------ oaks and maples have nothing extraordinary in the winter time, but a few dry leaves hanging on the bald branches. They are dull, ugly, sad, and lack of life. But "their leftovers" changed the beating rhythm of my pulse which transports my oxgen flowing through the lines of this poem. Exaggerating? No! The reason is that you can paint a picture of the trees all by yourself with the brush of this "leftovers". What can be these leftovers? "Dry leaves" might be the first and the most common association elicited in your mind.  However, it could be anything, and everything, from dried tree seeds (helicopsters, as we call them) to dead twigs. Even dry leaves could be in different shapes, colors, and with the snow, in different weights and moisture levels. But the amazing part doesn't stop at "leftovers", it goes on and suprises me with "littering". They don't want the snow! Oh gee! Like the poet himself!
Another one:
The sky is
written with bold strokes
of silent boughs.
-----------------
Alliteration is so skillfully applied and the image is absolutely out of my expectation. I was thrilled indeed. How could strokes write themselves? Ha, the boughs! They are thick, dropping the white mass, and they write on the sky. Question: what words do they write? No one answers, cos "all is quiet". But some leaves and snow come to answer, later a car comes to help. ---------------- finally, I got the answer ---- the world is tired.
Over all, two thumbs up! Strongly recommend as "elite" post.

Loon

谢谢Louisa点评。 我并没有屏弃短诗。 这首诗如果写成长句stanza形式的，也不长。 我尝试写短句，是为读者读起来方便。 你不觉得吗？
啊， “情感化石”， 这个比喻好。 但是化石是需要长时间的， 凡人的一生能结下几个舍利子？ 我只是写下我的观察，和在观察中的一点感触而已。
谢谢你的想法。

自娱自乐

Wow, humdinger!
Yet, how come I feel it seems a cut-up prose, though it presents multi-images with prosody?
Learning...enjoying....while thinking ....

Loon

Wow, humdinger!
Yet, how come I feel it seems a cut-up prose, though it presents multi-images with ...[/quote]
Thanks ZZ.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, there does have a tendency towards prosy, but I don't think it is a cut-up one.
It must've been the influence from Kenneth Rexoth, blame him! Just kidding. I love this guy, who translated a lot of Chinese poems and even wrote Imitations of the Chinese! Points taken, will work harder.
Cheers,
Loon

自娱自乐

Thank you so much for the info regarding Kenneth Rexroth! I wonder if you could post some of his works here for us to enjoy and learn. I checked WiKi for his profiles. It says he imitated Du Fu's poems, and loved Li Qingzhao's poems, wow, absolutely amazing, I can't wait ...or could you give a link? Many thanks again!

Loon

又读到晚枫热情洋溢的专业点评了。点评比这首诗好看。谁说看不到有人用英文写长篇，到这来看看。 评论基本上点到了我想表达的。冬天的残叶确实不能与秋天的红叶相比，借用晚枫君一句话：They are dull, ugly, sad, and lack of life.
大家还是看评吧。再次表示感谢。

Rhapsodia

回自娱自乐君，我那是random thoughts. 哪里算什么点评啊？应该是个人的一点读后感吧，很personal 哈～
一首诗对于不同的读者，会产生不同的反响，我越来越体会到这个“不同”会有多大，有多深。
另： 坛子改变了回帖顺序，把最新 latest 回复放在最上端了，不太适应呢～