【同题翻译】李白 《山中问答》

自娱自乐

..........................................

青衫来客

谢卧龙先生，没有想到随手发出的一首旧作，让你如此费心，深感惭愧。回报您唯一的办法就是多发作品和多来参与。再谢！

青衫来客

原帖由 卧龙先生 于 2009-3-31 11:06:00 发表
Why do I enjoy in  green hills  the leisure stay?
第一句是住在青山里，
青山译为green hills 好！
No reply with smile as my mind is care free.
第二句准确

The peach petals flow in the stream with water away,
桃花是落下 ：用

所言甚是，非常感谢。容我再译，再请批评。

青衫来客

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2009-4-1 1:28:00 发表
No reply with smile?   better
smiling without  reply,  or   I smile without  reply

The peach petals flow in the stream with water away,
The peach petals with water in the stream flow away

the ......

Thank you, Prof. I will retranslate it and try to make it better.

青衫来客

hehehe, inspired by blue-blouse's nice version, I now try my hand at it for fun, too.


问余何事栖碧山，

笑而不答心自闲。

桃花流水杳然去，

别有洞天非人间。



Why do I enjoy my stay in green hill?
I smile without reply, for my mind at leisure.
Peach blossoms follow the water out of sight at will,
A fairyland differs with a purgatory beyond measure.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Great.  That is why we all want to keep you here.  And what is more,  you put your translation here and it should mean the interlectual property belongs to me. A much better translation than mine which was done two decades ago when i was on campus.

青衫来客

原帖由 金沙文字 于 2009-4-1 8:24:00 发表
smiling without  reply.ok！
flow away,杳然的味道还是没出来

金沙兄说得很对，杳然的味道确实没有出来。金沙兄有好译法吗？

宛城卧龙

俺是乱说的，俺的水平查的远
也看了自娱自乐的译本，第一句我的感觉是还是需要重新翻译，“住”没有表达出来。

自娱自乐

.................................

海外逸士

问余何事栖碧山，笑而不答心自闲。
桃花流水杳然去，别有洞天非人间。

Why do I enjoy my stay in green hill?
I smile without reply, for my mind at leisure.
Peach blossoms follow the water out of sight at will,
A fairyland differs with a purgatory beyond measure.

Purgatory  is not  人间.

问余何事栖碧山/why are you living in the verdant hills? But no reply,
笑而不答心自闲./and then,he felt ease ,and with smile in her face .
桃花流水杳然去/the peach blossom, go with the water vanish without a trace,
别有洞天非人间/there hidden but fair spot, altogether different world.

You use personal pronouns: you, he her,  but no I  余
The second line is mostly different from the original
Go and vanish can’t be used in the same sentence without tense or proper form
The fourth line also doesn’t express the meaning of the original

海外逸士

my version for your reference:

Reply To A Vulgar Person In Hills

When asked why I'm perching in the verdant mountains,
I smile without reply, my heart in peaceful mood.
Peach flowers and flowing water all gone with no trace;
It's different sky and earth, not the human world.