七律 陪友人登二龙山赏五花秋

青衫来客

By the way, have you received the message from me about the topic for the workshop?

自娱自乐

岭推红叶奉霞来 ---- The mount  pushes to show maple leaves like red clouds display

The mount pushes the maples to do a-red-cloud-display?

自娱自乐

Oh, yes, I did, yet I am sleeping on it...hehehe

青衫来客

岭，应该译成ridge，我看like red clouds' display就好，加一个所有格。

青衫来客

Great， I will wait.

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-10-31 19:22:00 发表
岭，应该译成ridge，我看like red clouds' display就好，加一个所有格。

岭 = 山岭，泛指整个山也是解得通的。

感觉换成 show，在节奏上会比 display 好些？

上句换成 to drive / rush / hurry crane to go, 下句变成 to push the maples to do a red clouds show?

or

woosh cranes to go
push the maples to ...show

青衫来客

这样是不错，韵上也没有问题。I will take it.

自娱自乐

hehehe, my two cents only, hehehe

Don't take them seriously, hehehe

无心剑

来客兄，我信奉许渊冲的译诗理论。三美、三化，三之。

    陪友人登二龙山赏五花秋
   
    Enjoying Flowery Autumn on Mt. Erlong with My Friends
   
    青衫来客
   
    by Qingshan Laike
   
    斜阳笼岫理诗怀，
    画里秋光任意裁。
    天壮西风送鹤远，
    岭推红叶奉霞来。
    清江荡碧星槎去，
    阔野流金陶菊开。
    三径倩谁寻五柳，
    此时心事不须猜。
   
    I settle my poetic heart when the sunset veils the hill,
    Autumn scenery in the picture can be trimmed at will.
    The sky strengthens the west wind to blow cranes away,
    The ridge pushes maple leaves like red clouds on display.
    The divine raft floats far on the waves of the clear river,
    In the golden field blooms Hermit Tao's favorite flower.
    O, the hut of the Five-Willow hermit, where can I find?
    Now there is no need to surmise the desire in my mind.

自娱自乐

阔野流金陶菊开

In golden fields bloom Hermit Tao's most favored flower?