《岳陽樓記》 范仲淹

无心剑

自娱兄，将“先天下之忧而忧，后天下之乐而乐.”译成“put national interests first and personal enjoyment second”很不错。

无心剑

呵呵，自娱兄，无心剑有自知之明，译此等大作还欠功力，因此不敢贸然染指。

无心剑

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-11-21 16:26:00 发表
or (the) national interest(S) prevails over (the) personal enjoyment.

自娱兄又给了一个更简洁的译法，无心剑学习了。
National interest outweighs personal enjoyment.

自娱自乐

Yep, 'outweigh' is very good indeed.

Bravo!

自娱自乐

予觀夫巴陵勝狀，在洞庭一湖。銜遠山，吞長江，浩浩湯湯，橫無際涯；

I can see, well, that the beauty of Baling centers on Dongting Lake, which holds distant hills and swallows the Yangtze River, looking so huge and vast, and extending so wide and boundless

center on --- 好, 赞一个！

我们来看看这个‘衔’字

衔

（銜）

xián ㄒㄧㄢˊ

◎ 马嚼子。

◎ 用嘴含，用嘴叼：～枚。燕子～泥。

◎ 含在心里：～恨。～冤。～恤（含哀，怀着忧伤）。～戢（敛藏于心，表示衷心感激）。

◎ 接受，奉：～命。

◎ 指前后相接：～接。

◎ 职务和级别的名号：学～。军～。官～。

So, only say 'holds distant hills' doesn't seem to be explicit, hold by what?

Should it be 'hold sth in the mouth'?

再来看 ‘浩浩湯湯，橫無際涯’- looking so huge and vast, and extending so wide and boundless

huge and vast 和 wide and boundless 是不是语义有些重复了？已经说了 so huge and vast, 'so...blah..blah... already means sth big beyond description', right?

vast

Very great in size, number, amount, or quantity.
Very great in area or extent; immense.
Very great in degree or intensity. See synonyms at enormous.

huge

adj., hug·er, hug·est.
Of exceedingly great size, extent, or quantity. See synonyms at enormous.
Of exceedingly great scope or nature: the huge influence of the Hellenic world.

boundless

adj.
Being without boundaries or limits; infinite. See synonyms at infinite.


这几个字是不是可以包括 wide 了？


汤

（湯）

shāng ㄕㄤˉ

◎ 〔～～〕大水急流的样子，如“河水～～”，“浩浩～～”。

‘汤’ 字的语义没译出来，遗憾。

薛湃

此译文误译甚多。

一、
越明年，政通人和——Next year, the political situation was favorable and the relationship between people was harmonious. ——第二年，政治形势良好，人民关系和谐。

‘越明年’是到了第二年的意思，即从滕子京到任的第二年开始，巴陵‘政通人和’。译文意思变成了光是第二年‘政治形势良好，人民关系和谐’。而且‘政通人和’不过是政事顺利，百姓和乐之意，译文偏离过甚。

二、
增其旧制——new designs were added to the old structure——新的设计被添加到旧的结构上。

按，‘制’是规模的意思，原文意思是扩建岳阳楼的规模，译文不仅笨重，而且意思偏离了原文。

三、唐贤今人诗赋——poems and essays of sages of Tang Dynasty and of the contemporaries

太多of，易成歧义，如被断句为：poems and essays of sages /of Tang Dynasty and of the contemporaries，意思就成了‘唐代贤人和当代贤人的诗赋’。

四、前人之述备矣——Our ancestors already had a full version of it

按，前人并非祖宗（ancestors）。

薛湃

五、
上下天光——blue between the bright sky above and the bright sky mirrored in the water

按，重复两次the bright sky 有些笨拙，不如说between the bright sky above and its reflection in the water。

六、末端整段译文的动词用一般时，错了。

嗟夫！予尝求古仁人之心，或异二者之为，何哉？不以物喜，不以己悲，……
Alas! Once I tried to understand the mind of ancient virtuous men. They might behave differently from the two kinds of people. Why? They don’t delight in worldly things, or grieve for their own sake. They will be concerned...

按，既然是‘古仁人’（ancient virtuous men），他们如何如何做，必须用动词过去时。


七、
处江湖之远——as hermits——作为隐士

按，‘处江湖之远’是指不在朝中做官，并不等于隐居起来，也可以是在地方做小官，或身为平民。


八、
微斯人，吾谁与归？——if not with these men, whom will I socialize？——如果不是跟这些人，我将跟谁交往呢？

按，‘斯人’就是‘这种人’，就是跟古仁人同一类的人，译文these men成了实指的‘古仁人’，不知译文中的‘我’是不是要穿越时空回到古代去跟古仁人交往呢？

自娱自乐

原帖由 无心剑 于 2009-11-21 16:47:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-11-21 16:26:00 发表
or (the) national interest(S) prevails over (the) personal enjoyment.

自娱兄又给了一个更简洁的译法，无心剑学习了。
National interest outweighs personal enjoyme [/quote]

another one for fun...

Between the national interests and personal indulgence, the former prevails.

无心剑

呵呵，万变不离其宗，自娱兄翻来覆去自得其乐，佩服！

自娱自乐

原帖由 无心剑 于 2009-11-22 15:40:00 发表
呵呵，万变不离其宗，自娱兄翻来覆去自得其乐，佩服！

乐在其中嘛，呵呵呵

我估计我们俩不是属于那种‘叶公好龙’式的人物。