同题翻译笔会（古诗英译）春词 - 刘禹锡

自娱自乐

春詞
刘禹锡
新妝宜面下朱樓
深鎖春光一院愁
行到中庭數花朵
蜻蜓飛上玉搔頭
Spring Song
by Liuyuxi
　
With fresh make-up she comes down from her red tower,
Spring is splendid in the courtyard, yet it's shut in by a lock,
Into the yard, she vents her woe on counting many a flower.
Upon her jade hairpin a dragonfly flies down gently to dock.


V2.

She climbs down her red tower in new brocade,
Splendid as spring is, her yard is laden with gloom.
As loitering in the yard to count the buds of bloom,
A dragonfly flies down to sit on her hairpin of jade.


（无心剑版本）

In fresh dress she descends from her red bowers;
A courtyard of spring scenery locks her in sorrow.
When she walks to the atrium and counts flowers,
A dragonfly flutters onto her jade hairpin for show.


（普敬版本）

In a new vesture she descends from her bedroom;
Such a beauty is confined to the yard in sorrow.
She walks to the atrium, counting blossoms,
A dragonfly stands on her jade hairpin for shadow.


（薛湃版本）


Some Words for Spring
Fresh in dress, face so fair, she comes down the bower red;
With the spring locked so deep, the whole yard is woe-weighed.
In the atrium she can but count the flowers ahead,
A dragonfly then rests on her hairpin of jade.

无心剑

春词
Spring Song
刘禹锡
by Liu Yuxi
新妆宜面下朱楼，
深锁春光一院愁。
行到中庭数花朵，
蜻蜓飞上玉搔头。
In fresh dress she descends from her red bowers;
A courtyard of spring scenery locks her in sorrow.
When she walks to the atrium and counts flowers;
A dragonfly flutters onto her jade hairpin for show.
译于2008年8月26日。

金沙文字

韵美。
能否译成“春光被院子深锁着”？

无心剑

金兄，可以的。大好春光，被院子深锁，不愁死人才怪呢！新妆佳人锁在闺阁里，无人相伴无人赏，满腔愁绪无处诉。

自娱自乐

hehehe, really enjoy wuxinjian's nice version.
Yep, I have learnt a lot from your work.
"drown / lock in sorrow", hehehe, is wuxinjian's signature phrase or catch phrase, hehehe, just kidding, no offence at all.
(转贴）
宫女打扮脂粉匀称，走下红楼；春光虽好独锁深院，怎不怨愁？
来到庭中点数花朵，遣恨消忧；蜻蜓飞来，停在她的玉簪上头！

无心剑

自娱兄，无心剑那三板斧哪瞒得过你的法眼哦！O(∩_∩)O~
宫女打扮脂粉匀称，走下红楼；春光虽好独锁深院，怎不怨愁？
来到庭中点数花朵，遣恨消忧；蜻蜓飞来，停在她的玉簪上头！
这个白话译文真好，赞一个！

自娱自乐

Oops, 剑君，惭愧得很，那不是我的手笔，我那有这等水平。那是我从网上找来的，但忘了哪个网址。抱歉!

自娱自乐

谢谢普敬君的鼎力捧场!

无心剑

普敬兄，第二句译文“The bright spring is shut out of the yard in sorrow”有点费解，春光被关在院子外，因此院子很忧愁？最后一句译文的“for shadow”是什么意思呢？

薛湃

欣赏诸君译文！还是各有特色：自娱君的音韵美妙，无心君的简洁流畅，普敬君不甘示弱，译出个性。
喜欢自娱君的she vents her woe on counting some flower这句，但不知flower用单数是否妥当？
如果妥当，普敬君不妨借鉴之，将第三句的blossoms改为some bloom，就可以和第一句的bedroom押韵了。
无心君的A courtyard of spring scenery locks her in sorrow令人叫绝，如能将“深”字译出就更妙了：
            A yard of spring sight locks her so deep in sorrow
但也有一问：为何第一句末的bower是复数？