【古诗英译】一剪梅（宋）李清照

海外逸士

紅藕香殘玉簟秋。輕解羅裳。獨上蘭舟。雲中誰寄錦書來。雁字回時。月滿西樓。        
花自飄零水自流。一種相思。兩處閑愁。此情無計可消除。纔下眉頭。卻上心頭。
Poem in Tune of Yijianmei
by Li Qingzhao of Song Dynasty
Scented remnant of red lotus roots, bamboo mat in autumn;
I gently untie my gauze dress,
And get on the magnolia boat alone.
Who sent me the silky letter1 through clouds?
When the letter by the geese1 returns,
The moon shines fully into west tower.
Blossoms naturally fall and water naturally flows;
The same lovesickness,
But sorrow at two places.
This emotion in no way to be dispelled.
It just gets off my eyebrows,
But up on my mind.

自娱自乐

海外逸士 发表于 2010-12-25 23:21
紅藕香殘玉簟秋。輕解羅裳。獨上蘭舟。雲中誰寄錦書來。雁字回時。月滿西樓。        
花自飄零水自流。一 ...

紅藕香殘玉簟秋。輕解羅裳。獨上蘭舟。雲中誰寄錦書來。雁字回時。月滿西樓。        
花自飄零水自流。一種相思。兩處閑愁。此情無計可消除。纔下眉頭。卻上心頭。

Poem in Tune of Yijianmei
by Li Qingzhao of Song Dynasty

Scented remnant of red lotus roots, jade container in autumn;
I gently untie my gauze dress,
And get on the magnolia boat alone.
Who sent me the silky letter1 through clouds?
When the letter by the geese1 returns,
The moon shines fully into west tower.

Blossoms naturally fall and water naturally flows;
The same lovesickness,
But sorrow at two places.
This emotion in no way to be dispelled.
It just gets off my eyebrows,
But up on my mind.

----------------------

逸士，玉簟 ＝ jade container?

无心剑

回复 自娱自乐 的帖子

簟：bamboo mat

海外逸士

我看錯了一個字。看成“簞”了。原來是“簟”。這就改。謝謝。

自娱自乐

海外逸士 发表于 2010-12-25 23:21
紅藕香殘玉簟秋。輕解羅裳。獨上蘭舟。雲中誰寄錦書來。雁字回時。月滿西樓。        
花自飄零水自流。一 ...

紅藕香殘玉簟秋。輕解羅裳。獨上蘭舟。雲中誰寄錦書來。雁字回時。月滿西樓。        
花自飄零水自流。一種相思。兩處閑愁。此情無計可消除。纔下眉頭。卻上心頭。

Poem in Tune of Yijianmei
by Li Qingzhao of Song Dynasty

Scented remnant of red lotus roots, bamboo mat in autumn;
I gently untie my gauze dress,
And get on the magnolia boat alone.
Who sent me the silky letter1 through clouds?
When the letter by the geese1 returns,
The moon shines fully into west tower.
------------------------------------------------

再问逸士，英文读者能正确理解你译文中 'magnolia boat' 的真实含意吗？
我注意到了，你在 silky letter 和 geese 的后面都加了注，但是在 magnolia boat 后面没有，从而表明了你对 ‘兰舟’的解读。

似乎有二种解读。一，就是说，我轻轻地解开了绸罗的裙子，换上便装，独自划着小船去游玩吧！－－－但英文译文能让读者有此联想吗？ 二，‘兰舟’ 暗指 ‘床’，which does seem to be able to justify why the poet unties her gauze dress, and then climbs upon her 'magnolia boat' - Bed.

自娱自乐

海外逸士 发表于 2010-12-25 23:21
紅藕香殘玉簟秋。輕解羅裳。獨上蘭舟。雲中誰寄錦書來。雁字回時。月滿西樓。        
花自飄零水自流。一 ...

另外，不知为何你版本里的句子结尾都是句号？

原词
　　（一）宋 李清照
　　红藕香残玉簟秋，
　　轻解罗裳，独上兰舟。
　　云中谁寄锦书来？
　　雁字回时，月满西楼。
　　花自飘零水自流。
　　一种相思，两处闲愁。
　　此情无计可消除。
　　才下眉头，却上心头。

Rhapsodia

抄录一版 Kenneth Rexroth 翻译的，供大家讨论：
To the Tune "Cutting a Flowring Plum Branch"
Red lotus incense fades on
The jeweled curtain. Autumn
Comes again. Gently I open
My silk dress and float alone
On the orchid boat. Who can
Take a letter beyond the clouds?
Only the wild geese come back
And write their ideograms
On the sky under the full
Moon that floods the West Chamber.
Flowers, after their kind, flutter
And scatter. Water after
Its nature, when split, at last
Gathers again in one place.
Creatures of the same species
Long for each other. But we
Are far apart and I have
Grown learned in sorrow.
Nothing can make it dissolve
And go away. One moment,
It is on my eyebrows.
The next, it weighs on my heart.

自娱自乐

Gently I open
My silk dress and float alone
On the orchid boat.
I gently untie my gauze dress,
And get on the magnolia boat alone.
Well, so sexy, but is it right? Why did she have to open or untie her dress to either float or get on a boat?

自娱自乐

Molly Peacock, an American poet and writer, once in her book "how to read a poem" wrote a whole chapter on this poem. She entitled this chapter as " Sex Behind a Jeweled Curtain". :)   发表于 27 分钟前
hehehe, you see, it sounds very logical, so I reckon it should be on / in bed rather than a boat.

自娱自乐

晚枫君，对这二种解读，你倾向那一种呢？