【古诗英译】一剪梅（宋）李清照

Louisa

回复 自娱自乐 的帖子

不应将李清照词里“兰舟”联想到“bed",因为封建社会女子不可能这样写词，为什么古代出名的女诗人这样少？虽然才女不少，但出名对她们不是件好事。易安诗体如此有名望，她已经顶了很大的压力了，还敢在情诗里写“床”，代上“淫词艳曲”头牌之冠吗？能这样落骨写情诗的只有柳永和周邦彦等男性词人。

自娱自乐

I try my hand at it for fun...but stones and rocks are welcome...hehehe


红藕香残玉簟秋。
轻解罗裳，独上兰舟。
云中谁寄锦书来？
雁字回时，月满西楼。
花自飘零水自流，
一种相思，两处闲愁。
此情无计可消除，
才下眉头，却上心头。


The scented pink lotus faded; the bamboo mat chilled in fall,
Gently undo my satin gown, and float alone on an orchid skiff.
O, who will send me a few words in silk thread via clouds?
Even the geese bring letters, only moonlight fills my west bower.
The flowers will fall as usual as the waters flow,
O, such a pang of nostalgia, it links here and there.
Alas, no way can such a love be diminished,
Which hardly creeps off my eyebrows before on my heart.

Rhapsodia

我也来试试，两个版本.

To the Tune of Yijianmei
by Li Qingzhao （Song Dynasty）
tr Rhapsodia_晚枫 （poem edition）

Red lotus scent fades, mat feels autumn cold
Unlace my gauze robe, I alone step on the boat
Who can bring his letter on silk through clouds?
When courier geese return, West chamber th’ moon would fold       

Water has to flow, flowers fade and float
One lovesickness ties two sorrow places remote
This feeling has no way to be repelled
Once off my eyebrows, upon my heart it would hold


Lyrics Edition

Lotus scent fades, mat feels cold,
Unlace my robe, step on my boat.
Who could bring the note to alight?
When geese return, the moon shines load.

*Flowers fade and fall, water has to flow.
One love ties two hearts in sorrow.
No way to repel the grief so true.
Off my eyebrows, on my heart it’d grow.
On my heart it’d grow.*

如想知道唱出来的效果，这里有个我试唱的录音：http://video.sina.com.cn/v/b/44293149-1337875192.html

自娱自乐

I give it try again for fun...


Pink lotus scent fades; bamboo mat in autumn chills,
Gently undo my gauze gown, alone on a boat.
Who can send me words on silk scarf via clouds afloat?
When geese* return, my west bower the moonlight fills.

The flowers will fall, and the water will still flow,
Such feelings link one heart hither and one thither.
O, no way could I wish such sorrow to whither,
Only off my eyebrows, upon my heart it’d sow.

改一字，因为晚枫君用了 grow 作韵脚，而且句型相同，那我的就有 ‘抄袭之嫌’了。

Rhapsodia

回复 自娱自乐 的帖子

不错啊，越改越好！把音步再整理一下，就更完美了～
我的翻译是这样的：原词两阙，每阙六句，韵在一、三、六句。英文也照搬过来，不都是全韵哈～；原词每阙的一、四行为七字，英文取五音步抑扬格；原词二/三句、五/六句，各为四字，因两句放在一行，可视为每行八字，英文取六音步抑扬。歌词版为演唱需要，有编译成分。

细说起来是这样的：

红藕香残玉簟秋，                              A 7
轻解罗裳，独上兰舟。                          A 8
云中谁寄锦书来？                                 B 7
雁字回时，月满西楼。                        A 8

花自飘零水自流。                                A 7
一种相思，两处闲愁。                        A 8
此情无计可消除。                                C 7
才下眉头，却上心头。                        A 8

Red lotus scent fades, mat feels autumn cold                                        A 5 feet
Unlace my gauze robe, I alone step on the boat                                        a 6 feet
Who can bring his letter on silk through clouds?                                        B 5 feet
When courier geese return, West chamber th’ moon would fold                              A 6 feet

Water has to flow, flowers fade and float                                                a 5 feet
One lovesickness ties two sorrow places remote                                        a 6 feet
This feeling has no way to be repelled                                                C 5 feet
Once off my eyebrows, upon my heart it would hold                                A 6 feet

Louisa

Loon 发表于 2010-12-27 23:09
看来翻译古诗词（不仅是古诗词啦）案头工作不可缺少，有时以为自己懂得诗词的意思，待动手翻译时却犯踌躇（ ...

“Ou藕”(“Lotus-root”) puns on “Ou 偶”(“mate”)

落芸听雨

紅藕香殘玉簟秋。輕解羅裳。獨上蘭舟。雲中誰寄錦書來。雁字回時。月滿西樓。        
花自飄零水自流。一種相思。兩處閑愁。此情無計可消除。纔下眉頭。卻上心頭。