旧作新译 七绝 雨后游山问答

青衫来客

What does 趁早 mean? does it mean 'morning'? or simply means be here earlier or sooner?
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It is an idiomatic saying in the locality around Beijing, meaning to come early, not soon .

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-6-11 20:19:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-11 11:05:00 发表

The Red clouds and white flowers would vie fo

I have to find a word to rhyme with early. Vie for supremacy means try to better or the best.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-6-11 20:22:00 发表
婆娑 = supremacy？

I told you before, I hate word by word translation.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-6-11 20:22:00 发表
◎ 婆娑 pósuō

(1) [wirl,dance]∶形容盘旋和舞动的样子

子仲之子,婆娑其下。——《诗·陈风·东门之枌》。毛传:“婆娑,舞也。”

(2) [have luxuriant foliage;be a mass of branches and leaves]∶枝叶纷披的样子

【zdic.net 漢 典 网】

【zdic.ne

The meaning of 婆娑also includes-----
①跳舞的样子；舞蹈：婆娑呕吟，鼓掖其笑｜高粱叶子舞婆娑。
②舞姿飘逸优美：舞姿婆娑。
③形容枝叶纷披的样子：枝叶婆娑的大树。
Got it?

青衫来客

[quote] 原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-6-11 20:27:00 发表
雨后游山问答

so a dialogue between you and a visitor?

How come I feel it is pretty much like a monologue?

It is really a dialogue. The visitor was  so tallktive that he just gave me a chance to ask one question which is only one verse, and he took up the third and fourth verse as his answer to me.

青衫来客

木子斑竹客气了。

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-12 23:18:00 发表
Yes, it can used as a verb and I have checked it .

Yes, it is a nice word. I think I would like to use it too.
Good on you mate!

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-12 23:15:00 发表
My strong protest and your comment is a purified prejudice. Ever is bing used to stress the tone and the word so is a worse choice. Moreover, ever is a word of four letters which would make the verse the same length as the other three. The fine form is also one of factors to better the translation.  Keep it  in mind this time and I would not talk about it again.

Well, I don't think it has anthing to do with so called length of a sentence.  'ever' is often associated with negative sentence and question, such as 'have you ever heard of ...' or 'I have never ever...'

What was your initial sentence? oh, yes, 'After rain the wild peach blossoms ever  lushly one visitor tells me'

Okay, let me put this one in a normal order (rephrase it)and see if it makes great sense or not.

One visitor tells me (that) the wild 'pitch' blossoms (are / become / grow) ever lushly after (the) rain.

Compare with my tentative version by employing 'so'

One visitor tells me (that) the wild peach blossoms (are / become / grow) so lushly after (the) rain.

Why do you think 'so' is a worse choice?

At any rate, we might have to agree to disagree.

My linguistic sense tells me, or simply speaking, my gut feeling tells me it is weird to use 'ever' here, well, maybe it is just my personal taste, so forget it and let's move on.   

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-12 23:21:00 发表
I used 'the' here is because the visitor had already seen the landmark. If 'a' used, that is not so accurate.

Okay, agree with you on this issue. Thanks for your reasoning.

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-12 23:26:00 发表
What does 趁早 mean? does it mean 'morning'? or simply means be here earlier or sooner?
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It is an idiomatic saying in the locality around Beijing, meaning to come early, not soon .

If you wish to watch the better scenery come in the morning early

By the way, a comma is needed after scenery, I reckon you should see my point.

As for 趁早，yes, you are right too, literally, it means 'come as early as possible, or come as soon as possible, or please come before it is too late'

I believe you haven't got my point yet.

Your original is 明日来看须趁早, you used 'early', why did you want to use 'morning' in lieu of 'tomorrow'? Don't you think they are confusing?

Moreover, it is so bizarre (for me) to read a line like 'come in the morning early', why not 'come early in the morning'? well, it is simply because you have to rhyme..., so do I have to say anything more?