旧作新译 七绝 雨后游山问答

自娱自乐

As for that line, well, you see how easy for me to do it? I hope I don't sound like a braggart.

Honestly, some are easy to do, whereas some are hard, of course.

This one might be just a fluke. :P

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-11 11:05:00 发表
A thousand heaps of snow brocaded on the far hill it seems to be
After rain the wild peach blossoms ever  lushly one visitor tells me
If you wish to watch the better scenery in the morn just come early
The Red clouds and white flowers would vie for supremacy fully

岭遥疑蹙千堆雪，
人道山桃雨后多。
明日来看须趁早，
红霞白蕊斗婆娑。

Yes, it is much better than the last one, but I wonder why we can't say 'next day or morn' here.
By the way, I reckon you should reconsider the word 'fully', for it doesn't make ...
fully vie for? I reckon it sounds bizarre. Why can't we say 'strongly, violently, fiercely' for instance?

自娱自乐

不知逸士是否有空和兴趣，请你也过来看看，谈谈你的看法？

青衫来客

How do you feel if I fully is replaced by eagerly to rhyme  with early?

青衫来客

A thousand heaps of snow brocaded on the far hill it seems to be
After rain the wild peach blossoms more lushly one visitor tells me
If you wish to watch the fine scenery in the morn just come early
The Red clouds and white flowers would vie for the better eagerly
Hi, buddy. How do you think about this version.

自娱自乐

Yep, that is a much better one. Good on you buddy!

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-13 19:41:00 发表
我比较喜欢许渊冲先生的翻译，你看他翻译的李白送孟浩然那首中被誉为千古丽句的’烟花三月下扬州‘ 就是一个典型的意译“My friend  in March will go to Yangzhou, where red with flower and green with willow." 我想，如果按照其他方法也能翻译出来，但是许先生翻译的不漂亮吗？青衫先生目前没有什么理论，只是能翻译一点东西。哈哈，你的看法呢？  

I don't have any so called theory at all either, though would love to learn it if it is not too boring or hard.

Right now I can't locate where yishi's version is, but vaguely remember he might have written it in this way, 'xxx go to Yangzhou in March, xxxx under (the) heavenly arch'  It is equally beautiful indeed.

Yeah, you certainly can do more than just being able to do some translation. Honestly, no way can I surpass you in that regard.

童天鉴日

愈论愈明！我来学习！

青衫来客

原帖由 童天鉴日 于 2009-6-16 23:32:00 发表
愈论愈明！我来学习！

谢童天来赏，欢迎加入讨论。

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-22 13:49:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 童天鉴日 于 2009-6-16 23:32:00 发表
愈论愈明！我来学习！

谢童天来赏，欢迎加入讨论。 [/quote]
Sigh....what you like I dislike, :P :P :P