七绝 夜宿江北山庄四首之第一首

自娱自乐

don't need that 'night', i ponder.
into /onto a dimmer / just dim path, hehehe, I know you have to rhyme with river,
printing high? hehehe, that is cool, why not hanging high ---alliteration?
And several blinking stars (are just in the water) Dotted on the river bed for slumber
Already dot on the riverbed, 'are just in the water' wow, is a very big snake foot,hehhehe

青衫来客

原帖由 金沙文字 于 2009-6-22 13:58:00 发表
欣赏！
英译能否也搞成七个音节？
最好加上题目 日期 ...............

题目将会加上，我用的是内韵，但是由于是首次试用，不是很好。

青衫来客

printing high? hehehe, that is cool, why not hanging high ---alliteration?
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I thought to use hanging high. But printting the shadow on the window appears more poetic.

青衫来客

This is the first time for me to try the internal rhyme, and please give me some advice and comment as well. Just say whatever you like, standing on ceremony would not be appreicated.

金沙文字

意境很美........................

青衫来客

原帖由 周道模 于 2009-6-22 16:41:00 发表
The English is more abundent than the Chinese.

O, I know where you are, I"ve been there.  

Thanks a lot for your coming to read my poem and have ryou eally been there?

青衫来客

Very big snake foot.   
I know you are correct. But for the sake of esthetic balance, I have to forget simplicity.

童天鉴日

The shadow of the elm twig printing high
on my window seems to tell a cryptic lie
I am inspired to sneak into a path dimmer
leading to the bank of Songhuajiang river
Where I find the crescent moon looks shy
as if to smile amid clouds in the night sky
And several blinking stars are in the water
just dotted on the river bed for slumber
----------------------重新断句后，发现青衫老师已经有了断句的版本了。:D

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自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-22 20:55:00 发表
I thought to use hanging high. But printting the shadow on the window appears more poetic.  

Yep, you always have the right to flash your artistic licence. :P

周道模

Yes, I visited so many places in the northeast of China and also enjoyed the beauty of Songhuajiang River.