【古诗英译】 出塞 （王昌龄）

Louisa

谢谢，呵呵呵，听到‘表扬’，我想每个人都不会反对的，但会反思，呵呵呵，再次谢谢露易沙的赞美。
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期待娱乐君的反思之作，以达到完美。

Louisa

Rhapsodia 发表于 2011-1-4 13:32
有点意思了！这个“明月”和“关”把秦和汗能连起来就好了。还是以前面我贴的中分析为依据，我认为这个从 ...

去掉“O" , 晚枫君的这一句现在是无人能超越的了。

walterzhao

If General Flight is still in his fort,
No one dares to cross the border of alien force.
呵呵，胡诌两句

Rhapsodia

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谢自娱君和剑君的夸奖，这首诗我还没整个翻译过，看看能否弄一个完整的，也希望你们来一起折腾！

无心剑

出塞

On the Frontier

王昌龄

by Wang Changling

秦时明月汉时关，
万里长征人未还。
但使龙城飞将在，
不教胡马度阴山。

The moon and passes of yore are still there,
Yet those guardsmen can be found nowhere.
Only if we had the Flying General in full play,
No tartar steeds dare cross Mt. Yin anyway.

译于2011年1月5日。

Rhapsodia

我也试译了一下，绞尽脑汁，总还是有很多不如意的地方。比如“胡马”我就丢了“马”， “飞将”我又丢了“飞”。而且第二版里，索性把最后一句意译了。拿出来，大家拍砖，我再修改：
To the Tune of Frontier
by Wang Wei (Tang Dynasty)
tr Rhapsodia_晚枫

Version 1
The same moon shines on the same pass from Qin① to Han②,
Of all those sent on expeditions returned none
Were Dragon City General Li still alive
No Huns’d③ have dared from us of Mt Yin④ to deprive

Version 2
The same moon has seen the same fort from Qin① to Han②,
Of all the men on expeditions returned none
Were Dragon City General Li still alive
The war against Huns③ over Mt Yin④ would’ve been won

(Translated on Jan 5, 2011)

Note:
①        Qin refers to the Qin Dynasty which was the first imperial dynasty of China. It started in 221 BC and ended in 206 BC.
②        Han refers to the Han Dynasty which started in 206 BC and ended in 220 AD. It was the second imperial dynasty of China, preceded by the Qin Dynasty.
③        Huns refer to a group of nomadic people, also called Xiongnu, who were said migrated from Mongolia region to Europe. De Guignes linked them with the Xiongnu, who had been northern neighbours of China. They kept raiding along the northern border of China from early Qin Dynasty all the way to Han Dynasty, which is a span of over 400 years. Military campaigns had been continuously launched against them and numerous soldiers died.
④        Mt Yin, or Mt Yin Shan, refers to the Yin Mountian range. It starts from the bend of Yellow River and ends at Chahar and northern Hebei Province. It is a natural barrier protecting the northern China at the time.

无心剑

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受晚枫君启发，再鼓捣一下吧！

The Qin's bright moon shines on the Han's grand pass;
None of warriors sent on expeditions has returned, alas!
Only if the Flying General of Dragon City were alive still,
No tartar steeds could trample our Yin Mountains at will.

“秦时明月汉时关”不能理解为秦代的明月汉代的关，这里是秦、汉、关、月四字交错使用，在修辞上叫“互文见义”，意思是秦汉时的明月，秦汉时的关。” 本来是想翻译成秦汉时的明月照着秦汉时的边关，但是私下觉得这样处理太平淡，就擅自改成秦时月照着汉时关，因为风月无古今，情怀自浅深。这样理解和处理是否恰当，期待高人指教。

Rhapsodia

感谢剑君，受他和Louisa的启发，我再出一版五音步的：
Version 3
The moon of Han shines on th’ same pass of Qin,
Of men on expeditions none survived.
Were Long City General Li alive,
No Hun steeds would have dared to cross Mt Yin.

Rhapsodia

回自娱自乐君： 这个第三版我总感觉少了诗意。。。

自娱自乐

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晚枫君，帮我看看如何？


出塞
王昌龄

秦时明月汉时关，
万里长征人未还。
但使龙城飞将在，
不教胡马度阴山。

On the Frontier
By Wang Changling

The same moon and fort since Dynasty Qin and Han,
War mission goes on and on but returns no man.
If those brave and wise generals were still alive,
The Hu steeds could neither cross Mt Yin nor survive.