《念奴娇·赤壁怀古》改译

薛湃

谢谢自娱君！
你何妨将全词翻译出来？期待高手的版本，呵呵！

自娱自乐

原帖由 薛湃 于 2009-11-29 14:01:00 发表
谢谢自娱君！
你何妨将全词翻译出来？期待高手的版本，呵呵！

hehehe, I wish I could, but...:P

薛湃

Haha, definitely you can!

自娱自乐

hehehe, encouraged by Mr Xue, I muster my guts up to give the first stanza a try for fun.


大江东去，
浪淘尽千古风流人物。
故垒西边，
人道是三国周郎赤壁。
乱石崩云，
惊涛拍岸，
卷起千堆雪。
江山如画，
一时多少豪杰。


The Yangzte River eastbound flows;
Countless gallant heroes in history are gone with the billows.
The ancient fortress on the westside,
It's Red Cliff* where Zhouyu* won his fame Kingdoms-wide.
Rugged rocks rise so high as to cleave cloud,
Tidal waves swash the shore so loud，
Swirling and spiraling thousands of heaps of snow,
O,what a beautiful nation! And ages ago,
It must've boasted of making many a valiant fellow!


请薛君和各位批评指教！

:P

海外逸士

評薛君版本﹕
中文裡“千古”二字﹐在英文中用六個詞譯﹐是否可短些﹖

West of the ancient fort, 'tis said there
Appears the Red Cliff where
General Zhou's early fame in Three Kingdoms was won.
可否改成﹕
West of the ancient fort, 'tis said﹐
there Appears the Red Cliff
where General Zhou FOUGHT AGAINST CAO。

Rolling up a thousand heaps of snow
這不真正是雪﹐是雪般的浪花。

A silk hood he dressed, a feather fan in hand,
這裡指諸葛亮。HE就含義不明。

多情應笑我
不一定是WIFE。

your hairs has turned gray
HAIRS後面須用HAVE。

薛湃

自娱君妙手一出，总是神韵毕现，佩服至极！
你的译文几乎无懈可击，除了海外君所言的“千堆雪”是指浪花，而不是真正的雪。
此外有两点，不妨见仁见智：

一、“周郎”译成“周先生”，不如“周将军”。不知英文里有无称古人为Mr.的习惯？
二、末行纯粹用一般时是否更自然一些？也就是：

And ages ago,
It (ever) boasted of making many a valiant fellow!

或者：
And ages ago,
It must boast of making many a valiant fellow!

薛湃

谢谢海外君，“千古”已简化为of all ages bygone，“（千堆）雪”的译文改成billow as snow，“hairs has”之误前面自娱君指出了，已更正。

窃以为General Zhou FOUGHT AGAINST CAO之改译不妥：原文有“三国”，最好译出，且这样的改译容易被理解成“周将军和曹操打架”。即使改成General Zhou FOUGHT AGAINST Northern army，又不如原译“赢得了他在三国中的名声”更有神韵。

A silk hood he dressed, a feather fan in hand并非指诸葛亮。历史上的赤壁之战几乎没诸葛亮什么事，而且苏轼这首词讲的就是周瑜的事迹。只有到了三国演义里，诸葛亮才成了“羽扇纶巾”的形象。

“多情应笑我”有不同的解释：一是，“应该会笑我太多情了，以致早生华发”；二是，“多情的小乔，应该会笑我早生华发”，二者都解得通。个人觉得第二种理解意境更美一些，不妨据此翻译。

薛湃

还请将下阙译文赐阅！:D

自娱自乐

遥想公瑾当年。
小乔初嫁了，
雄姿英发。
雨扇纶巾，
谈笑间，
樯橹灰飞烟灭
故国神游，
多情应笑我，
早生华发。
人间如梦，
一樽还酹江月。

I can fancy Mr. Zhou was so brave and bright in his heyday,
Who wedded his bride, Miss XiaoQiao, hurray!
Laughing and jesting, with a feather fan in his hand,  
As well as his signature - Zhuge headband,
Mr. Zhuge had Cao's warships burnt down in disgrace.
Should their spirits rendezvous with each other at this place,
They would definitely tease me to say,
'O, so sentimental, still pretty young, yet your hair's turned all gray'
Alas! Life is nothing but a dream,
Let me drain my drink upon the riverbank for the moon and stream.

请薛君和各位批评指教！

:P

自娱自乐

原帖由 薛湃 于 2009-11-30 5:40:00 发表
自娱君妙手一出，总是神韵毕现，佩服至极！
你的译文几乎无懈可击，除了海外君所言的“千堆雪”是指浪花，而不是真正的雪。
此外有两点，不妨见仁见智：

一、“周郎”译成“周先生”，不如“周将军”。不知英文里有无称古人为Mr.的习惯？
二、末行纯粹用一般时是否更自然一些？也就是：

And ages ago,
It (ever) boasted of making many a val

呵呵呵，我知道，但我故意为之。呵呵呵

他不是常说‘诗人说什么，你就译什么，别把读者当白痴。’

哈哈哈，原文是 ‘卷起千堆雪’，又没说‘卷起千堆雪花似的浪花’，哈哈哈

逸士这人就是这样 ‘对己自由主义，对人马列主义。’哈哈哈

Double standard

:P