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楼主: Louisa

[古诗英译] 上邪 ( 乐府诗集)

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 楼主| 发表于 2010-12-26 10:42:42 | 显示全部楼层
自娱自乐 发表于 2010-12-25 19:08
O, heaven above!
I want to love thee,
Never fade as I am alive.

不错的韵脚。
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 楼主| 发表于 2010-12-26 10:51:35 | 显示全部楼层
自娱自乐 发表于 2010-12-26 07:46
When snow storms summer 押头韵

“Storm"作动词用,效果好极了!上礼拜澳洲还下过一场冰雹呢,人们穿着夏装掷冰球,真正地 hailstone storms summer.
遥祝您------Merry Hot Summer Christmas!

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Merry Xmas!  发表于 2010-12-26 11:23
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 楼主| 发表于 2010-12-26 11:01:37 | 显示全部楼层
Loon 发表于 2010-12-26 04:55
Nice.

个别用词上还可商榷, 我想。

Loon 君所言极是,这些所咒的现象都是不吉利的灾难。“caress" 太温馨浪漫了。还是用“mingle "一类的词。
谢谢您教会了我一句“圣诞快乐”古语。遥祝您 Merry Yuletide!

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When ground grinds (ground) the sky? 呵呵呵,如果地能磨去天,那不是天地合还会是什么呢?呵呵呵  发表于 2010-12-26 11:23
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发表于 2010-12-27 09:31:31 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 埃文河天鹅 于 2010-12-27 09:45 编辑

O love,
I swear by all above
That my love to you will never end!
Nay, we will never part,
Till craggy ridges be razed to the ground,
And watery main run dry,
Till it thunder in winter
And snow in summer
Till heaven and earth
Be merged as one!

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watery main 是什么? 水路主干道? 直接用 river, sea 不好吗?原诗的语言特点就是质朴、无修饰、直露。  发表于 2010-12-27 11:15
是很不错呢!很顺当~  发表于 2010-12-27 09:56
晚枫君,显而易见,小天鹅很会模仿,呵呵呵 不错的版本!  发表于 2010-12-27 09:49
my dear, / while the sands o' life shall run 看“无绝期”出来了,呵呵~  发表于 2010-12-27 09:46
让我想起老彭的red red rose! And I will love thee still, my dear / till a' the seas gang dry / till a' the seas gang dry, my dear / and the rocks melt wi' the sun:/ I will love thee still, my   发表于 2010-12-27 09:45
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 楼主| 发表于 2010-12-27 09:33:08 | 显示全部楼层
回复 自娱自乐 的帖子

"When ground grinds (ground) the sky? 呵呵呵,如果地能磨去天,那不是天地合还会是什么呢?呵呵呵  发表于 昨天 11:23 "
娱乐先生的“grind" 一词实在高明!
我有个很苯的问题,也许你会觉得十分好笑。请原谅我的浅学,因为在一个名词之前我不知道什么时候该加the , 什么时候不该加the, 我们中文名词前什么也不加。这是小学生的问题,可我考试后就忘了。我本人也不曾是英文专业的学生。所以这样简单的问题麻烦您解答一下,因为我译诗时时常遇到这个问题。

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hehehe, it's the toughest issue for a person like me and you who learns English as either a second or foreign language. I see what you mean, hehehe, well, in poem, I reckon it's ok to omit(the groun   发表于 2010-12-27 09:53
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发表于 2010-12-27 09:46:21 | 显示全部楼层
恩,robert burns写过这首。
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发表于 2010-12-27 10:00:51 | 显示全部楼层
是原诗写得铿锵有力,肯定得让人找不出质疑的余地。
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发表于 2010-12-27 10:03:07 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 自娱自乐 于 2010-12-27 10:04 编辑

How to compose a poem

Hi dear budding poet, I have some thing here to enrich your creative out put in poetry. This article will teach you certain valid points about how to compose a poem. You know, literature, like all other art forms needs training and few people I am sure will snub at this idea. But there comes a serious question what kind of training can be imparted? I can answer this question from another dimension.

A writer is basically a good reader; he reads only those genres of book that can impress his attention and appreciation. For instance as a reader I never love so much reading plays, I don’t know why it is so. Perhaps the few plays I read may not be more than five in number and that too by Bernard Shaw and Ibsen. But as for poetry and novel I am a voracious reader since I am a university teacher where I teach these two genres. My interest in reading these two never came out of my being teacher; truth lies elsewhere both these literary forms communicate to my mind better than other forms. So the first point to imbue in you is you should be a voracious reader of poems.

What is the benefit of reading poems? A natural question. The first and foremost benefit is you are reading a most chiseled form of language and thought. The canvas for writing a poem is very small in comparison with novel and short story, so the writer is to face the question of precision in the use of language. We call it linguistic consciousness. You can push your thoughts in the form of prose however there is prosaic poem in literature, which I am sure did not get due recognition and considered only an intellectual fashion. Or you can be musical with words composed that way.

While you are wadding through the waves of poems you must take care of two things. First thing to note is how the poet puts his ideas in the frame of the poem and also the language used. Some poets write out of sheer inspiration as you find in case of Coleridge whose Kublakhan was written not from conscious plain of mind but from the semi-conscious level. But when you compose a poem don’t expect your mind will open up such recondite aspect of it. But the sub conscious mind will begin its function. What I want you to focus here is the art of using language; in literature we call it as language criticism. The thought and language must go together and also both must go well with age or the time. Perhaps you don’t understand what this point is; look, do you think it is good to compose a poem after 19th and 18th century fashion. No not all. You will sound old and outdated. You can’t call somebody, “thou”. Of course once it was really nice to say so. But the time is changed and you have to find out the best usages that can address changed aspects our times. But one thing this use of language must go well with theme of the poem. For instance your are composing a sarcastic poem where you want to turn somebody into butt of all jokes, then I agree you can use all the clichés that will have novelty and freshness about it.

Let me tell you, composing a poem is as much an art as anything of the same name. So the next step is about the imagery and other embellishments needed in the poem. There two approaches to this issue. First being is direct treatment of the theme it means you can put less embellished sentences and phrases that can tell what you think. The reader will not find it difficult to comprehend and appreciate it. But if you are using a different approach like, use metaphor and imagery through a less embellished diction is really commendable feat of success. Don’t be so rash in composing and presenting the poem somebody’s opinion. Once a poem is written keep it for several days to have a rethinking that will be like brewing wine keeping under earth. You must squeeze your self to the last drop when you are in composing. The theme at hand must be well thought from several angles then construct imagery and metaphor .Now think about the language suitable for it. Do all these step by step and write the poem at the most compelling moments alone. There will spring an end-product that will have the essence of your vision.

Good luck for all budding poets.

http://en.articlesgratuits.com/h ... ood-poem-id2401.php

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嗯。。。好的。。。  发表于 2010-12-27 10:15
Good one!  发表于 2010-12-27 10:11
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发表于 2010-12-27 10:25:29 | 显示全部楼层
Well, to compose a poem definitely differs from to translate one, but one has to take the latter as the former after one has converted all essential 'ingredients', thus one would then be able to produce a best possible version.

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发表于 2010-12-27 11:05:46 | 显示全部楼层
当时读到Robert Burn's  A Red, Red Rose 就想到“上邪", 最早看到的译文是

A  Pledge

  By heaven,
  I shall love you
  To the end of time!
  Till mountains crumble,
  Streams run dry,
  Thunder rumbles in winter,
  Snow falls in summer,
  And the earth mingles with the sky
  Not till then will I cease to love you!

也不知是谁译的。 那时,头脑一闪光,咦,一样的主题,英文竟也有类似的表达, 是否他们先读到我们的了。 lol
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