【汉诗英译】柳宗元《江雪》试译

Loon

After second thought, however, I think these pairs of words "why" and "envie", "lyre" and "poetrie" must have rhymed in Ben Johnson time. But how exactly did they sound, "why" towards "envie" or vice versa, or something in between? Who knows? As I guessed, I'd take "y" sounded more like "ie".

Now let's get back to the starting point: this is quite like our ancient Chinese language in which some words were pronounced differently than their modern counterparts. The reading in the link, I believe, is handled in the modern way. This doesn't support the idea that if a rhyme is needed, I'll make an unrhymed word rhyme or if an iambic foot is needed, I'll call a trochaic an iambic.  If you want to play you've got to follow the rule. Otherwise, why bother? Just do whatever you want.

ZY, you didn't waste my time. Thank you! hahaha....

自娱自乐

Loon 发表于 2012-3-1 03:07
After second thought, however, I think these pairs of words "why" and "envie", "lyre" and "poetrie"  ...

Well, I reckon you are right about it, highly likely different time different pronunciation, and here is another example, with which I am sure you must be familiar - "tiger! tiger! burning bright....what immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful symmetry"

eye ---- symmetry

自娱自乐

Loon 发表于 2012-3-1 03:07
After second thought, however, I think these pairs of words "why" and "envie", "lyre" and "poetrie"  ...

Of course, whatever you want to play, like it or not, you will have to play by the rules. But are we talking about Iamb and Trochee or Rhyme? Do you agree that 'envy' used in two different cases one is Iambic, and the other is Trochaic?

自娱自乐

Loon 发表于 2012-3-1 01:13
想法和切入角度是好的。但

不喜欢 the birds all go, 实际上是已经 all gone 了。

是啊，众所周知，原诗的那个 ‘千山万径’ 都是虚数，而译文这么一翻就变成实数了，诗味荡然无存。
Yep, I agree with Loon also, "the birds all go" ----  go where? go towards A thousand hills or leave A thousand hills for somewhere? Honestly, that 'go' there is for nothing but 'rhyme'.

Rhapsodia

自娱自乐 发表于 2012-2-29 13:57
是啊，众所周知，原诗的那个 ‘千山万径’ 都是虚数，而译文这么一翻就变成实数了，诗味荡然无存。
Yep,  ...

自娱自乐君关于虚实数字的观点，正和我意。中文有很多类似的虚数，如三教九流，三心二意，九九归一，等等。学习古文时，总有这样的解释：言多，言广。。。
这一 “言”，就表明了这些数字的“虚”。而英文翻译，大多数情况是把虚变实了。（不排除也有虚的时候，我碰到过，现在想不起来了）。所以，洋人的“务实”，我只能说他们可能没理解到中文“言”这层含义吧。

自娱自乐

Loon 发表于 2012-3-1 03:07
After second thought, however, I think these pairs of words "why" and "envie", "lyre" and "poetrie"  ...

hehehe, what do you reckon then? hehehe Of course, if you play modern game, well, then by modern rules, pre-modern game, and so on and so forth...hehehe

自娱自乐

Loon 发表于 2012-3-1 03:07
After second thought, however, I think these pairs of words "why" and "envie", "lyre" and "poetrie"  ...

呵呵呵，是啊 loon君，你知道这 eye 是怎么来的，呵呵呵， 都说中国字是象形字，而英文不是，但偏偏这个 eye 是，呵呵呵，你看啊，左右各一个 e 代表了那圆圆眼睛（眼球），中间的那个 y 就是鼻子啦，呵呵呵，而且还是鹰钩的那，呵呵呵 ^_^

xmannos

Rhapsodia 发表于 2012-3-1 06:21
自娱自乐君关于虚实数字的观点，正和我意。中文有很多类似的虚数，如三教九流，三心二意，九九归一，等等 ...

Both English words thousand and myriad (ten thousand) may also be used figuratively, e.g., a thousand thanks/apologies; the myriad stars of a summer night.

My version:  (any similarity to other previous versions is coincidental and inevitable)


江雪
柳宗元

千山鸟飞绝，
万径人踪灭。
孤舟蓑笠翁，
独钓寒江雪。

River Snow
By Liu Zong Yuan
transl. by xmannos

A thousand hills devoid of birds aflight,
A myriad trails with no footprints in sight;
On a lone boat an old man clad in thatch,
Alone angles for a river snow catch.

无心剑

xmannos 发表于 2012-3-1 15:49
Both English words thousand and myriad (ten thousand) may also be used figuratively, e.g., a thous ...

欣赏佳译！

Louisa

Rhapsodia 发表于 2012-3-1 06:21
自娱自乐君关于虚实数字的观点，正和我意。中文有很多类似的虚数，如三教九流，三心二意，九九归一，等等 ...

关于古诗中的数字虚词，几竟演变成了一种修辞了，而且还有意境呢。有时数字更有诗意：
荷风一剪香红袖
莲雨几掬淬绿裙
The breezes with lotus blow scents on my red sleeves.
The rain thro water lily falls on my green skirts.