【汉诗英译】柳宗元《江雪》试译

Loon

River Snowbound
                                           By Me

O'er myriad mountains many a bird is of its flight deprived.
Upon endless trails e'en a human is with his trace unfound.
While the old man, in both a palm-bark cape and a bamboo hat,
Sits on the lone boat, and angles on the cold river snowbound.

Sorry, your style is too wordy to my ear.

す單細胞す

感谢各位大侠的神来之笔，小弟又把原帖加上修改版了，在原帖上面

す單細胞す

Loon 发表于 2012-2-26 22:21
River Snowbound
                                           By Me

Translating 蓑笠 lengthens my words coz no word seems suitable for that. Maybe the wordy one may suit the westerners.

无心剑

す單細胞す 发表于 2012-2-26 22:35
Translating 蓑笠 lengthens my words coz no word seems suitable for that. Maybe the wordy one may s ...

simplicity is beauty.

Loon

す單細胞す 发表于 2012-2-26 22:35
Translating 蓑笠 lengthens my words coz no word seems suitable for that. Maybe the wordy one may s ...

Maybe the wordy one may suit the westerners

How do you know?

From my experience, what westerners treasure most from eastern poetry is simplicity, starkness, and seeminly plainness. That's why they are learning haiku!

Cheers,
L

无心剑

无心剑 发表于 2012-2-26 22:48
simplicity is beauty.

On boat, in palm cape, straw hat, a man old,    感觉不习惯。

自娱自乐

Loon 发表于 2012-2-26 22:21
River Snowbound
                                           By Me

后两句，这样好点不？an old man in a bamboo hat, straw coat/ fishing in a snow river on a boat  

当然好啊，但你可能不知道，一般我都会尽力不用其它版本已用过的词组或韵脚，除非没有任何选择，呵呵呵，其实有选择啊 ’知难而退‘啊，呵呵呵，谢谢 loon 君商榷与指点！

Loon

确实，我这个一点不出新。只是在原有的词语上做一些“手脚”，以期读起来顺一些，自然一些。
这首诗，译文版本太多了，而且每出一个版本，我相信都参考了前人的，所以要做到不同于他人，又能超越，实属不易。不如翻译那些没人译过的或译得少的，最好自己写（原创）。让别人再译的时候碍手碍脚。{:soso_e113:}

Loon

す單細胞す  then we will lose something unique in certain words like "蓑笠". simple as it is, we'd find more perfect words instead of the dull ones.  发表于 昨天 23:27

then, how about "千山”和 “万径”？ you can't say numbers are not unique in Chinese culture, literature and poetry, can you?

如果想一点都不丢掉的话，嗯...办法到是有一个... 就是...不翻，让老外直接读原文，原汁原味。{:soso_e128:}

自娱君也别忽悠我了，我最大的一个优点就是自知之明。
没看出来吗，我在沾你们的光呢。赫赫

す單細胞す

小弟再在原帖上改了，希望大侠们再次指路，感激不尽