【汉诗英译】柳宗元《江雪》试译

Rhapsodia

I personally think what ZiYuZiLe said about sound realization can explain why the number of syllables changes in a line. Some people call it "slur".  It happens in other metric poems other than sonnets as well. Take the first 4 lines from Robert Frost's "Nothing Gold Can Stay" as an example:
Nature's first green is gold,                6a
Her hardest hue to hold.                   6a
Her early leaf's a flower;                    6b (slur of “flower”)
But only so an hour.                         6b (slur of “hour”)

We could be sure that both "flower" and "hour" are pronounced as ONE syllable in their actual sound realizations.

Rhapsodia

MOUNtains / upON / MOUNtains / no  BIRD / in FLIGHT. ------- Any problem here? :) I will leave it to you
From TRAIL / to TRAIL /no HU/-man TRACE/ in SIGHT. -------- {:soso_e179:}
On BOAT, / a MAN / with STRAW / cape and HAT,/ now OLD, -------- (slur of "cape and") {:soso_e179:}
ANgling / on the /snow RI/-ver BOUND /in COLD. --------- (slur of "angling") but the first foot is not an iambic one

Loon

晚枫君对音步研究的透彻，点评之间，随手拈来。
不怕人笑话，要我说说音节音步什么的，我得先把工具书搬出来。{:soso_e110:}
看到晚枫君谈到slur，又勾起了我的兴趣，也来插一嘴。
英语的音步除了基本的外，还有很多variations，不过这些variations 也都遵循一定的规律。
slur，也就是一种contraction或elision，为了音步的关系，把两个邻近的较轻的元音缩为一个音节。如(>表slur)：

x  /    x    /   >   /  x      /       x    /
I saw, in gradual vision through my tears

这里，gradual 是三个音节['grædjuəl; 'grædʒuəl]    ，为了音步的关系，把uə缩成一个音节。

还有另一种情况较常见，我也见网友们常用，特别是在翻译古诗时，就是把省略的元音用apostrophe 代替。如：the—>th' 等。

Loon

还有一个variation 是feminine ending 弱音结尾。It is an extra unaccented syllable at the close of a line.

x      /      x   /    x   /    x   /      x / (x)
The age ll of mir ll acles ll is gone ll forever.

(x), feminine ending.

所以，我会把这两句看做 feminine ending with an extra unaccented syllable.

Her early leaf's a flower;    x/,x/,x/(x)               
But only so an hour.  x/,x/,x/(x)

这样理解对吗？还是都可以？是有点头疼。呵呵

Rhapsodia

我也错个热闹，大家拍砖：


In hills aloft bird traces vanished long
On trails beneath all human tracks are gone
A man in straw poncho and hat, yet old
On lone boat fishing in snowed river cold

无心剑

Rhapsodia 发表于 2012-2-27 15:23
我也错个热闹，大家拍砖：

欣赏晚枫君佳译。

On trails beneath all human tracks are gone，我好像没有找到主语。

无心剑

无心剑 发表于 2012-2-27 16:43
欣赏晚枫君佳译。

On trails beneath all human tracks are gone，我好像没有找到主语。

谢谢单细胞解释。

す單細胞す

Rhapsodia 发表于 2012-2-27 10:30
I personally think what ZiYuZiLe said about sound realization can explain why the number of syllable ...

在莎翁的sonnet99里：
The forward violet thus did I chide
violet thus did是否读成/*/*/?

If not fro my love’s breath? The purple pride
Which on thy soft cheek for complexion dwells
In my love’s veins thou hast too grossly dyed.
第二句抑扬格有点乱，你能帮我理一下吗?

The roses fearfully on thorns did stand,
fearfully是否读成/*/?

And to his robbery had annexed thy breath;
robbery难道省略e音？had annexed是否读成/*/

More flowers I note, yet I none could see,
flowers在这里应该是两个音节，为什么与robert frost的flowers音节不同？据了解，大概在雪莱时代（维多利亚时代）的英语是现在部分的美式发音，很多的“饿r”都翘舌地读，似乎省略了“饿”音，而伊丽莎白时代的英语，应该是英音了吧？
以上句子是否读成*/(*)/*, /*/*/？

谢谢了

自娱自乐

在英诗里，诗人可以用 inversion or second foot trochee 来表示特殊的 emotion, but unfortunately in translation, translator may not be able to feel free to do so...呵呵呵

自娱自乐

借题发挥一下，’把一片寒冰‘ （无心剑诗句）如何翻译呢？ 有必要翻成 cold ice or ice cold? 呵呵呵