詠雪bilingual

自娱自乐

I have posted my second version in my previous ones. If you like, you can take a look at them.

自娱自乐

想不到逸士先生还在拿他的长恨歌译文来炫耀和说事，几个月前就有人在上海译文论坛批评过逸士翻译长恨歌时的“做爱声不绝”是糟蹋唐诗。

以下转自：h
铁_冰 发表于 2010-2-16 10:01:00[url=http://bbs.yzs.com/showtopic-153499-5.html#1118123]

Well, honestly, it will be relatively easier to render it without rhyming...

自娱自乐

Anyway, your points are very well taken. hehehe

铁_冰

hehehe, well, you know that was purely for mucking around...
自娱自乐 发表于 2010-2-16 10:01:00

娱乐兄，你肩负着把逸士的译文打下去的重任，一定要用上十成功力啊！

自娱自乐

我是不喜欢ladies有“女厕所”的歧义，所以改成beauties。

你原译的“这是她第一次享用皇帝的爱液”很有特色，只是有违了原诗的含蓄，而且不一定属实。女孩子的第一次一般不口交吧？无论如何，你的译文比逸士先生的“第一次和皇帝做爱”（That’s the first time she made love with the emperor）好得多。这一句，你们俩的译文的共同毛病，也是最大的毛病就是：把少女的被动承恩翻译成热辣女郎的“品尝爱液”、“与……做爱”。 铁_冰 发表于 2010-2-16 9:55:00

relish steaming love gruel ---- why does it have to be her mouth to taste it? Can she relish / enjoy it by the other one? hehehe

自娱自乐

[quote]hehehe, well, you know that was purely for mucking around...
自娱自乐 发表于 2010-2-16 10:01:00[img]http://bbs.yz......
铁_冰 发表于 2010-2-16 10:19:00[url=http://bbs.yzs.com/showtopic-153499-5.html#1118152]

hehehe, why me? I reckon he is challenging you guys...hehehe, for he knows I am no good at all, hehehe

Now you have revealed your real identity, so you might have to outdo his version, for you were highly critical of his "superb' version that he considers unbeatable or invincible...hehehe

铁_冰

娱乐兄，杨、许二位大师的译文早就有了，而且比逸士的译文好得多，我们就不必bother之了。

自娱自乐

hehehe, I see what you mean, hehehe:P

自娱自乐

侍兒扶起嬌無力，
始是新承恩澤時。


So deliciously languorous, out of the pool she was carefully led,
And then it was her very first time to join the emperor in his bed.

自娱自乐

長恨歌 (白居易)

Well, this is a very long poem. Anyway, I give the first four lines a try for fun...and then I think I will try my best to do a bit at a time, hehehe,

The Song of Everlasting Regret

漢王重色思傾國，
御宇多年求不得．
楊家有女出長成，
養在深閨人未識．

The emperor of Han lusted for a belle whose beauty'd top in his empire,
He had sought for years for such a drop-dead in vain to meet his desire.
A maiden in the Yang family at that time just reached her puberty age,
As she was reared deep in her bower, no one knew this gorgeous teenage.


天生麗質難自棄，
一朝選在君王側．
回眸一笑百媚生，
六宮粉黛無顏色．

It'd be extremely hard to relinquish her God's given gift forever.
So one day she was chosen to serve at the side of the Emperor.
As she turned with a smile, all kinds of irresistable spells came to pass,
The glamor of belles in the six palaces she took no effort to outclass.

春寒賜浴華清池，
溫泉水滑洗凝脂；
侍兒扶起嬌無力，
始是新承恩澤時。

She was granted a bath in Hua-Qing-Pool on a cold day of spring,
Washing her creamy skin with warm spring water smoothly moving.
Deliciously languorous, so out of the pool she was helped and led,
And then it was her very first time to join the emperor in his bed.

金屋妝成嬌侍夜，
玉樓宴罷醉和春。
姊妹弟兄皆列土，
可憐光彩生門戶。

In Golden Chamber she dressed up to serve the emperor at night so fain,
At Jade Tower after feasts they'd indulge in love life like cloud with rain*.
All her sisters and brothers were therefore rewarded land and title of lord,
Royal prerogative bestowed on the Yang family was very much adored.


遂令天下父母心，
不重生男重生女。
驪宮高處入青雲，
仙樂風飄處處聞。

Her successful saga had an impact on parents from all walks of life.
So a baby girl was much more craved for by any husband and wife.
The Palace on Li mountain towered into the blue clouds high there.
The ethereal melodies carried by the wind was heard everywhere.