詠雪bilingual

铁_冰

天生丽质难自弃，
一朝选在君王侧。
回眸一笑百媚生，
六宫粉黛无颜色。

With ineffaceable heavenly beauty of her own,
She's one day chosen to serve the emperor alone.
As her gaze turned back with a smile, her matchless graces lit on,
All beauties in the six palaces, though fair, were outshone.

无心剑

自娱兄与铁冰译本各有千秋，无心剑都很喜欢。

自娱自乐

天生丽质难自弃，
天生丽质难自弃，
一朝选在君王侧。
回眸一笑百媚生，
六宫粉黛无颜色。

With ineffaceable heavenly beauty of her own,
She's one day chosen to serve the emperor alone.
As her gaze turned back with a smile, her matchless graces lit on,
All beauties in the six palaces, though fair, were outshone.
铁_冰 发表于 2010-2-16 7:48:00

Very good, wow, it certainly outshone my shabby one, hehehe

ineffaceable - not easily to be effaced or obliterated, well, I know you meant to say 'indelible or unforgettable', yet ....

they are already called 'beauties', of course, their looks are fair, hehehee

自娱自乐

I like the second and last line especially...

自娱自乐

始是新承恩澤時 ---- It was the first time she and the emperor rolled along like whirlpool*.

铁_冰

我是不喜欢ladies有“女厕所”的歧义，所以改成beauties。

你原译的“这是她第一次享用皇帝的爱液”很有特色，只是有违了原诗的含蓄，而且不一定属实。女孩子的第一次一般不口交吧？无论如何，你的译文比逸士先生的“第一次和皇帝做爱”（That’s the first time she made love with the emperor）好得多。这一句，你们俩的译文的共同毛病，也是最大的毛病就是：把少女的被动承恩翻译成热辣女郎的“品尝爱液”、“与……做爱”。

铁_冰

始是新承恩澤時 ---- It was the first time she and the emperor rolled along like whirlpool*.

自娱自乐 发表于 2010-2-16 9:05:00

这个译文更不好，简直是乱译，原因不必再说。

自娱自乐

Well, initially it was like this -----It was the first time for her to receive the emperor's steaming love-gruel*.

铁_冰

想不到逸士先生还在拿他的长恨歌译文来炫耀和说事，几个月前就有人在上海译文论坛批评过逸士翻译长恨歌时的“做爱声不绝”是糟蹋唐诗。

以下转自：http://www.stph.com.cn/mybbs/announce/textview.asp?BoardID=18&ID=194084&Ar=194438&AUpflag=0&Ap=2&Aq=1


始是新承恩泽时。That’s the first time she made love with the emperor.
春从春游夜专夜。Spring outing every day, sleeping with the emperor every night.
玉楼宴罢醉和春。After a feast in the jade pavilion she’s drunk when love-making.

对照杨宪益、许渊冲译文：

杨译：
始是新承恩泽时。At once she won the emperor’s favor.
春从春游夜专夜。Accompanying him on his spring outings, Spending all the nights with him.
玉楼宴罢醉和春。Feasting together in the marble pavilion, Inebriated in the spring.


许译：
始是新承恩泽时。And this was when she first received the monarch’s love.
春从春游夜专夜。His companion on trips and his mistress at night.
玉楼宴罢醉和春。Or drunk with wine and spring at banquet in Jade Tower.

自娱自乐

hehehe, well, you know that was purely for mucking around...